Steamed Hams except it's with NicoCW and about remixes
by Travis Kilpatrick 2017
Summary: NicoCW arranges a meeting with the Kaiser of the Reich, Anony, about remixes. Hilarity ensues.


On a windy summer afternoon, in the Northeastern United States, a man in a residential neighborhood approaches an average looking house. The man is rather tall, and is dressed in military garb from several years back. He appears to have been well traveled- and has an annoyed face on as he rings the doorbell.

Shortly after, a stout Italian man- who barely came up to the annoyed guest's torso- is greeted by his guest. "Well, Nico, I made it...despite your directions." "Ah, Kaiser Anony, welcome! I, uh, hope that you're ready for, like, a really good...uh, song thing!" replied the Mediterranean midget. The gruff, self-proclaimed Emperor then makes his way into the dining room, and depoists his large bottle of Mr. Pibb into a bowl of ice, as the host enters the kitchen.

Nico looked to his Kitchen PC attempting to download and play his newest Sonic Hysteria remix. However, disaster had struck- Bucky was using his PC! And he was drunk! Nico tossed the oaf aside and quickly darted to his PC. "Oh, man, oh man. This isn't good." He checked the contents of his computer, and found all his remixes deleted.

"My, uh, music, is, uh, it's not fine!" exclaimed the paniced Pennsylvanian, as he observed the damage. He then peeked out his window, and observed a building across the street- xXCoOlReMiX06Xx's Sonic Generations remixes. "But what if, like, I got some, uh, other place's remixes, and, like, make Anony think it's, uh, my stuff? That's, uh, smarter than I thought I was."

As Nico attempted to leave the kitchen through the window- suddenly Kaiser Anony barged in.

"Hey, uh, Kaiser, uh, like, listen, I'm doing, you know, that thing where you make your leg go out, and it's like, supposed to make me, uh, taller". Unimpressed, Anony replied "Why is there smoke coming out of your PC?" to which Nico said "Well, that, uh, that, is like, because my remixes are so fire!" Though still skpetical, the Kaiser apparently took that as good enough to walk back out of the room.

After a short collection from the sub-par music center, Nico returned with his CD. "I got the, uh, the, you know, the, uh, the Generations remix". "I thought we were having a Hysteria remix?" asked the skeptic Emperor. "I, uh, I said Listeria remixes. I call that the remixes I made, when I was, like, ill or something." Not buying it, Kaiser Anony asked "You call Generations remixes Listeria remixes?" "Yes! It's, uh, like something from a website." Still skeptic, once again Anony questioned "Uh huh. Which website?"

Nico thought for a second, then said, "uh, Youtube?" "Really? Well, I've had a youtube account for over a decade, and I've never heard anyone use the term ''Listeria remix''. Nico thought, then said "It's, like, a remixer thing." Accepting it, the Kaiser simply said, "I see", and they continued listening.

After a few seconds, disgusted by the music, Anony remarked, "You know, these remixes sound remarkably like the ones at one of your second rate ripoff's channels". Nico laughed, then said "No, that's, just, uh, like, what I used to, you know, write, back when I sucked. Patented, uh, Nico remixes." "Listeria remixes?" "Yes!" Going in for the kill, Anony states, "And you call them Listeria remixes, despite the fact that you obviously couldn't have had the disease over the course of all of these."

Nico is now out of options. "well, uh, you know, there's, like...the thing...hold on," stammers Nico. "Of course", says Kaiser. Nico enters the kitchen, sees a fire started- from his PC, no doubt- and comes back into the dining room. Of course, this action swings the door open, and the intensity with which he re-entered the room has caused it to begin rapidly swinging open and closed, back and forth. Undeterred, Nico fakes a yawn, and then says "That was, like, a hoot. Let's, uh, wrap this up. Kaiser looks at his watch, and replies "Yes, I should be go-" and then sees the fire. He exclaims, as shocked as possible, "Good lord, what is THAT?" to which Nico says "That, uh, like, the thing."

Kaiser Anony's shock can be read all over his face. He states, as matter of fact as possible, "The thing? Like, the rock golem? The John Carpenter movie? That thing IN the John Carpenter movie? The good thing? The Bad Thing? IN YOUR KITCHEN?" to which Nico says "Yes!" Kaiser asks, "May I see it?" and Nico replies "no".

Kaiser walks out. No females call out from Nico's house, because none have ever been in there. Kaiser simply states, "Well, Nico, you are an odd fellow", and then walks away. So ends the tale of Nico and the Kaiser. 


End file.
